Tucked Away in my Heart - The Pain

Nonu, the pain is as raw today as it was then.

Today I was going through all my old mails in a bid to clean out my maibox - received and sent. I went through the journey you and I took before we went our ways - you to your destination and me, looking for mine. So many of those mails brought a smile - like the one we exchanged when I had a bad cold and had been sneezing all over and you'd replied with a "God Bless you, all over" :) Or even the one where you said "missy, thanks for the smart ass comments" and I'd replied 'you DID mean sexy ass comments, didn't you :D".

But then, the ones toward the end...especally the one after you'd disconnected a call saying "you've got to be kidding me". No I wasn't. It had taken a lot of internal turmoil for me to make that call to you, but you were wrapped up in the coziness of a new marriage, to make out the catch and the tremble in my voice...you who could over a long distance call make out the faintest lilt in my voice could now not hear the screaming tremble in my whisper while in the same town. The mail I wrote to you then still scalded the wound I thought had healed.

I know what you're thinking (whichever way - rolled eyes or with a wistful sigh) Bachcha,move on. I thought I had too, but today makes me question that. The pangs are just as strong. Strong enough to bring tears to my eyes.I thought these were all done and dealt with.

What do I do now? I was safe in my coccoon,wrapped in the gossamer of self-belief and quietly buried love. Today I find the shell breached and that a tiny grain of sand is whipping up a teary storm inside.

Will the pain form a pearl? I don't know.

What I do know is I bleed and the pain - it stays - tucked away in a small part of my heart.

Esurience

The esurience of man
We want all we see
Our eyes tell it all
Our actions, plain as can be
Water, sky and earth
We plunder for what they're worth
Nary a thought
for replacing what we take -
Voracious, rapacious, edacious are we.
Beware, my fellow man
Of the day
when all this is done
What then, of us will become
This is the thought
That, to my core, frightens me.