Masks...

n, a deceptive outward appearance, syn. cloak, color, coloring, cover, disguise, disguisement, facade, face, false colors, front, gloss, guise, masquerade, pretense, pretext, semblance, show, veil, veneer, window-dressing...

This one's been my nemesis for all my life. I wear my heart on my sleeve...err, face, and find it very difficult to see through when what a person is saying is not what they mean, when what they're showing as their "feelings", their "best intentions for you" are not as honest and sincere as they sound.

Did i just evoke an incredulous "what?!?", "come ON, you can't be that naive", "oh please", "helloooo, open your eyes", or even a stare with an imperceptible shake of the head and an inaudible tut-tut from you? Well, those are some of the normal reactions I get from people who remind me - sometimes subtly, sometimes not as gently - that I am a fool for getting taken in by people.

Either that, or the truth of the matter reveals itself a little later.

That's when it causes pain. Of an extremely excriciating kind. And not physical.

That's what I recently went through - as fresh as two days back.

This "friend" empathises with me when I speak to them and the feedback I get from another "friend" is, "XYZABC said they get exhausted." Then I meet the first "friend" at a social do and the looks exchanged are all-knowing, the rolled eyes are all compassion and the hug is all warmth. And me being me, I'm repelled by that smile.

I am still reeling from the enormity of it.

All my life, at different points, different people, the same pain... and I still haven't learned.

Have you?